Jeremiah 17:9

"The heart is more deceitful than all else, and it will always pursue that which feels right at the moment."
I could not agree more with this. I know I have one to do this. I know I have really stopped and asked finally what it is God wants for me vs what "feels good." I have had to make some pretty hard choices and face truths I never wanted to, but it wasn't so scary and it has made me feel at peace. I think if more people could just stop trying to be selfish and do the right thing, maybe the world wouldn't suck so bad.

My home

Well everything went great with the home inspection.  Only a few things needed to be sorted out but it seems its ours in about a month.  We will close right after our trip to Dallas!  It's crazy how fast it all happened but there were literally only 15 houses in our price range so it made it easier. Excited to live in a smaller down and be right by the school. Very excited about moving!  Won't be long now. Hopefully ill be announcing more good news next month ;)

Big things

Tomorrow is the inspection of what we hope to be our new family home. I'm beyond excited for this new chapter in our lives. Its the perfect home. The kitchen is by far the favorite part for me. And it's in the district we want to live in. I want to be closer to work and Andover is small and quiet. Very excited of the possibilities! Fingers crossed all goes well. In other news I go to the doctor tomorrow afternoon to go back on fertility meds so we can have our second,  and finale baby. I'm so very excited.  Tony is as well. He talks non stop about our little darling to be.  It's a good feeling to see him so excited about what is to come. Things have definitely be great there. We are about to do the love dare and I'm excited for that. Feeling much more connected these days and have been feeling God in my life. As well as in my marriage and it's an answer to my prayers. Very happy indeed. Work is amazing. Life is just good lately.

Love

My sister reminded me of this verse last night. I have read it over and over. It really has new meaning to me all of a sudden like she said it would. I am thankful to her for always standing by me and honestly helping me choose right.


1 Corinthians 13:4

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

I understand

My faith was tested to it's very core yesterday. I now know really who I am when it comes to my faith, my ability to forgive and overcome. I know many would say my faith has been tested more then a lot of people. I am not angry, or asking why me? I am saying to myself "Thank you for finally everything falling into place." I have been every single emotion you can think of in the past. In the last few weeks I have reached a state of clam... Tonight I am at peace with my with my past, present, and future. Life has happened. I have ignored God for so long. Yet somehow I am able to sit here now so calm, and hopeful. No worries, no fears. It all makes sense. Honesty is hard, knowing you may very well hurt the person you love the most is scary. I would even say it could cause a crumble affect. If you can't be honest then the whole foundation falls to pieces. This is true in any realtionship. Sometimes we think we are protecting the person, when in truth we are causing more harm then we can ever know. I have been the both ends of this and it's all so clear now. To be vulnerable, put myself out there and allow love was always my downfall. I am by nature better to my own terms of life, my own way of doing things and not being told I'm wrong. I never thought I'd marry or have kids. Here I am today. Dedicated to the core. My faith has been shaken many times. I have asked why, and what's this all worth. I know now. In the moment the words were spoken I knew. It was if something bigger went through me and I realized how blind I had been to the bigger picture. I am a women of faith. It's gotten me through the worst times. Yet I don't practice it when it comes to certain situations. That isn't right. It's a constant thing, not a situational thing. I have abused that. I am sorry for that. I sit here tonight and I feel better then I have in 5 long years. I have the faith that with all that has been said, all that is going on has happeend for a reason. God knows me, I know me. I am strong. I am not one to back down. I have strong morals that I have allowed to be skewed by my own selfish desires. It's not fair to me, it's not fair to those who I love, and it's not fair who I am. I now know how deep my love goes. I know how much finding my own faith, having the ability to take my time in lifes big choices has helped me handle such stressful, trying times in my own life. Most people maybe would have said screw it by now. I kept faith, and hope. It I believe has paid off. I know there is much ground to gain. The one thing I needed, the one thing I wouldn't force was said without prompt or force. No threats, nothing but silence and listening on my end. I have opened my heart, mind and soul. I am praying for direction and continued peace. I know God is on my side. I know finally without a doubt my faith is restored and I am back on track.