The waiting!

I have been working closely with my doctor and since the fertility drugs landed me in the hospital a few weeks ago I am forced to give up that medication. I trying to get ok with not having any more children but my heart hurts. Why would god put this so heavily on my heart if it was meant to be? 

So waiting we are still trying and praying. I've never seen my husband so anxious to welcome another child. I am keeping on the prayer and hoping we are blessed! Somedays it's so hard to see everyone around us having babies :( 

Hopefully my next post will be much more upbeat! I should note I'm personally doing very well! Life in other places is for sure on track! So yay God!

A full year

Wow I've taken a full year off of blogging. Why am I back? So much as happened and I figured its time for a come back! 

What's been happening? 

Well nice of you to ask. 

Here's a quick run down which I plan to elaborate later on all the subjects

-we've had two losses, and have been trying for over a year! I'm exhausted but not giving up.... Yet

-With those losses came complication. In January I spent my 30th in the hospital (sorry to come) and a full week. Sick sick sick, it sucked. Then again this last week a other hospital stay. I will explain all in good time. 

-We survived a year of Jesse and he made it basic and is doing so well, very proud! 

- Logan is amazing, he starts school in a week ahhh crazy he also turns three next Friday again crazy

-Tony and I have been traveling a lot always love that!!!!' 

-we've been growing closer to god! Amazing!

- this change has brought us closer the ever knew possible, again amazing. 

My dad got a job and quit it In 6 wks time (classy) 

- work is still amazing and so much better then it had been. Love our kids.

- we are hosting an exchange student, gabriel he's an amazing kid just love him!!!!!

-my sis came home in march much needed time

- Stacie now is closer then ever to us and stays frequently its fun having a little sister

-Lifeteam offered me a job back with a nice pay raise I politely declined as I live my job.

-new friends 

- a new school year

-college a almost complete 

- happy!!!

So how are you??? 

Oh sweet bliss

I may feel sick and have insomnia like mad but I'm in a blissful state. My hubby is being amazing support.  I just adore that man and his five year plan. He had his promotion board Tuesday.  They already signed off so my baby shall be tech Sargent soon :) so proud.  He told me last night he has be bragging about Logan and I (unlike him) definitely notice a difference. No 6 more wks of this flu feeling?  Um I can hack it :)

One way

One way relationships stink.
I'm a busy lady but I still make time to make it.known I care about those I love. Eventually it feels in vain when it's not returned.  Makes me feel like I've done something wrong. I'm just tired of loosing people. I know God is with me though and I.have so much to be grateful for. So many who, even if they are busy make it known they care. I try not to be selfish and consider all aspect of others life but when it feels directed soley at you. It makes you wonder why even waste the effort.

The sweetest reminder

Sitting on my deck last night I allowed myself to drift back in time.  The setting reminded me of a time so many years ago when I attended youth conferences in Texas. Every single night we would go to the tennis courts and lay there staring at the sky praying or reflecting on ourselves all the while listening to music.  They called it vespers.  I loved that time so much that when I went home I continued the practice on my own. The neighborhood boys and I would lay on my front lawn and pray. Last night I remembered all of this. I then to reflect on where that girl went. I was sad to realize where I've let myself land. I've promised myself never again and until I'm where I belong I will spend my days trying to live life as I was.intended to and to remember to always put God's plan before my own selfishness.

Ridiculous

It has been so crazy lately.  I just realized things that happened only two weeks ago feel as if they happened months ago. I'm used time.sweeping by yet the last few weeks feel like blur. A slight recap maybe?
hmmm welp girls are crazy. I still hate drama. I've had to fight the urge in recent weeks to not be callus.  I've instead prayed and pretty much stood my ground. 
Tony's Gma died two weeks ago so we spent 36 hours in stunning Amarillo tx. Got to see is brother and sister .... his sis is pregnant. And Jesse is moving to Wichita in June.  He.will be living with us.
I'm still not pregnant and trying not to care.

Last weekend was the.conference in kc. So much fun. Tony got his award and I'm so proud. 

Logan is changing every single day. I'm in awe of him. He is the best part of life!
The house is coming along.  House warming will finally happen in may. The Madison house is ready for rent. They move in may 15th.
3 more weeks of work then it's summer vacation wahoo! And now you're caught up!

All these things that I have done...

Well I felt horrible again today....Sick of the all day sickness feeling....One thing about clomid I have never enjoyed it makes my body act like it's already pregnant *annoying*.
This week has been another off one. It really was better just sadness had to happen and that sucks.
Work is amazing as always. I am being offered a position after work to hang out with one of our older kids. Mainly take him to teen night, and do fun stuff with him. Since he has such a special issue and only a select few can deal with him. His parents asked that one of his current Para's be asked first. So I was asked. I have said yes. This student his my biggest problem, yet my favorite too. I am really excited for this chance. I am really feeling good about my job. I am going to be in control of the class for summer school and in January I will be taking the test for sub status so I will be the sub for Jenna always. Which is good for our kids. They hate change and when a stranger comes into our room forget about it. It's a bad day.

The move has gone so well. House is all together. I just need curtains and to get Logan furniture for his room, which at this time is serving as a play room and he is sleeping it what will be the babies room.

School is good. I love college. I think I wanna always take classes =)

Friends are amazing. What they will do for myself, and family warms my soul. I am blessed.

Family is great as well. Hosting my first East Dinner SUnday...15 are going to dine at my home. Oh boy the pressure is on.