The most perfect song ever

You only know what I want you to
I know everything you don't want me to
Oh your mouth is poison, your mouth is wine
Oh you think your dreams are the same as mine
Oh I don't love you but I always will
Oh I don't love you but I always will
Oh I don't love you but I always will
I always will

I wish you'd hold me when I turn my back
The less I give the more I get back
Oh your hands can heal, your hands can bruise
I don't have a choice but I still choose you
Oh I don't love you but I always will
Oh I don't love you but I always will
Oh I don't love you but I always will
Oh I don't love you but I always will
Oh I don't love you but I always will
Oh I don't love you but I always will
Oh I don't love you but I always will
I always will
I always will
I always will
I always will
I always will

March

This month starts with my dad's bday. Two days later marks the day I finally relented and went on my very first date with Anthony; 6 years wow.
Then in the most painful, and numbing anniversary. The loss of my mother. 2 years. Since they showed up at my house to tell me my mom was in the hospital that early March morning two years since I had to make the most adult decisions to date. Maybe too soon even definitely horrible while pregnant.  I wish it was just one day of pain. Then I'm fine but the entire week from the moment I first saw her laying there lifeless to the moments before I last saw her and begged her to wake up for myself and child,  for my sweet sister. The whole week just sucked. And for some reason most likely the clomid. I'm really struggling this year. Maybe jaci was right the first year is sill disbelief.  The second year is acceptance that she Really is gone. Ill never hug her or be able to say all I needed to say. And okay I get ill see her again. But the pain is still present now and peace is all I want right now. Hopefully with God's grace I can pull it together and make it through the coming week.

Dang it!!

I am awake and I need to be up by 6am.... going to be a lovely day or not. Hopefully the students are calmer then today. Weather change can have alk sorts of fun on them. Super tired but I can't stop thinking about the redemption series I've been addicted to reading.  Its truly amazing writing . Definitely has been inspiring to me. Love a good Christian book I must say. In any case I need to sleep. Hopefully it happens soon.